Homecoming: A Journey to Self-Love

Self-care is more than aesthetically pleasing self-date reels and snippets. The way you love yourself is the way you’ll experience love with anything or anyone; be it a brown paper bag, a summer romance, or childhood friendships. 2023 forced me to choose to take the uncomfortable journey of discovering and loving my authentic self. When I found her she was fighting to survive off rations of love, under the weight of childhood trauma and societal expectations. And CHILD, it was a LOT of unlearning and swinging at the air but don’t fret, Chon "did that so hopefully you won't have to go through that”. Let’s talk about it....

What catapulted my self-care and love was learning to speak to myself in my love languages. COMPLETE GAME CHANGER! Yes, yes I know this is a risky topic given the misogynoir expressed by the creator, Dr. Chapman, but go with me here because even a broken clock is right twice a day. As a Black Woman, I have been socialized to prioritize gaining a romantic partnership as my main goal in life. So it comes as no surprise that the only time I used love languages was in romantic partnerships and dating scenarios in an effort usually to try to revive an already doomed relationship.

But why limit love languages to just our romantic partnerships, when we love a host of other people from friends, family members, children, and most importantly ourselves?

Don’t all of these relationships deserve to benefit from knowing how to speak to someone in their native language?

I invite you to start your homecoming journey today. Get back to the basics of your needs and desires. Don’t overthink it like my analytical self did at first. Go ONLINE, find a love language quiz, learn how you best receive love, and then choose to express it to yourself CONSISTENTLY. For me, I mixed my love for affirming words and music to curate a playlist for myself, being sure to choose music and words that spoke directly to me, for me, and from me. It was the BEST present I have ever gotten and it came from ME. Self-care does not have to be HUGE or expensive. All you need is genuine and intentional action and openness. Explore yourself for yourself, make discoveries, and enjoy the journey of self-care. Here are some simple examples that I would do for me in each category:

PHYSICAL TOUCH:

Nice intentional rub down/ moisturizing time with my favorite music, smells & body oils.

GIFT GIVING:

Treat me to some budget-friendly, cute seasonal decor for the house.

QUALITY TIME:

Carving out 20 minutes when I wake up and before I lay down to check in with myself and journal my feelings and thoughts of the day.

ACTS OF SERVICE:

Take the unused ice from my counter ice machine, put it in a cup, and save it in the freezer for quick access to a cup of ice when I get home from work. (Patience is thin after work)

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:

Curate a playlist composed of words and energy about how I feel about myself. From Me To Me with Love.

For a moment, think of yourself as a plant. Once you understand the amount of sun and water you need to thrive, when your leaves start to turn yellow you’ll know exactly what the issue is and how to remedy it. It is a lot easier to see unaligned connections from a mile away when you’re very clear on what you need for internal balance and health.

This applies to ALL forms of RELATIONSHIPS, from business to familial. “Keep them squares up out of your circle!” Connect with yourself, learn what makes you tick and you’ll know what emotional homeostasis requires and feels like for you. Once you get a taste of authentic healthy self-love, I promise you won’t go back to surviving under the rubble of the expectations and projections of anything outside of yourself. If you need a little help on your journey of self-love and care, check out the playlist I’ve crafted to support you on your way.

Click Here for "Love Yourz" playlist

Happy LOVING and Happy Homecoming.

- Chakra Chon

IG: @chakrachon